


My Soulmate, My Omega and More

by orphan_account



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Alpha Clarke Griffin, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Beta Raven Reyes, Consensual Underage Sex, F/F, Knotting, Mating Bites, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Lexa (The 100), Omega Octavia Blake, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-24 22:59:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19733410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Clarke is an Alpha who's been looking her for her soulmate since she was young. At some point, she convinces herself that she won’t be lucky enough to find a soulmate. When she met Lexa, she couldn’t believe she really found her, her soulmate, the problem is that Lexa is not exactly what Clarke expected. Also, there is one more problem; her best friend, Octavia, is pregnant with Clarke’s pup.





	1. This is not what I expected

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys. I started posting this story a few days ago in Spanish. Knowing that some of you are translating the story I decided to give it a try in English. English is not my first language so please don't be to harsh.

I know this is a weird story that I'm about to tell you, but I hope you stick with me to find out the end...

You’ll see, since I understood what a soulmate identifying mark is, I always dreamed of waking up one morning and finding a mark in some area of my body. From an early age I understood that this strange feeling in my chest was the emptiness I had because of the lack of my other half. When I turned six years old, Mom explained that these marks appear between 6 and 14 years, assuring that there is a maximum of eight years of physical difference between the two halves, but she also told me that if it did not appear it is not because there was something wrong with me, It is only because my soulmate had decided not to come into the world in this life.

For eight years each morning I woke up to check every inch of my body and every morning I was disappointed. However, the day of my 15th birthday was the saddest. That day I knew that I would not find my soulmate on this time, it was not my destiny in this life, maybe in the next I would have more luck.

"Easy, Clarke," Octavia told me, one of my two best friends since I could remember. "Your moms do not have marks either and they are happy, you will surely find someone who makes you happy."

Yes, my mothers did not have soulmate marks, but they had a bond. One is Alpha and the other is Omega. Mama proudly carried the mark of Mom's bite on her neck and I knew that they were the happiest couple I knew. I was aware that there is a possibility that someday I would form that bond with someone, it was still necessary to see if I would present myself as Alpha or Omega but eventually it would happen. It is impossible that I end up being a Beta, it would be too bad luck. It's not that being a Beta is bad, but in the depths of my being, I've always needed that special connection.

"And if it is not like that, you have us, we are the three musketeers. Don´t we?" Raven said with one of her characteristic smiles.

"I know I have you both, but I really had the hope that one day that stupid mark would appear." I felt irritated, disappointed and hurt.

"Okay, relax, no matter how hard you get upset, you will not make it happen. The only thing you're going to achieve is to give yourself a headache and I'll have to hit you with the pillows."

"Raven, what makes you think that hitting someone is a good remedy for a headache?" Octavia asked rolling her eyes.

"I know it is not, but at least it will hurt her profitably" Raven said shrugging to what I only replied with a snort of annoyance. "Anyway, it's already late and I have to go home. Are you coming, Octavia?"

"Stay ..." I said to Octavia with a pleading look.

I would have invited them both if I did not know well that Raven's parents never let her sleep in other people's houses. Not even because her family and mine have known each other for more than ten years. Octavia, however, practically lived in my house.

Her mother worked double shifts in a cafeteria to maintain the house and her older brother, Bellamy, was a good for nothing who spent half his time knotting anyone who allows him and the other half getting drunk in the living room of his house with his friends, other Alphas good for nothing. Octavia, having presented herself as Omega the previous year, certainly felt more secure in my house and my mothers had no objection to her extended stays; for them it was as if they had one more daughter and for me it was perfect not to have to grow up as an only child.

"I'll stay with this jerk," Octavia said rolling her eyes. Feigning annoyance about having to stay, I know very well that she loves to be in my house, so I was not offended.

"Ok. See you later, girls" Raven said goodbye to both and left my room.

"Well, something special that you want to do to end your birthday?" Octavia got up to look for pjs, with all the time that she expended at my house practically the third part of her closet was torn between my clothes.

"Nah ..." I answered without encouragement. I had adopted a starfish-like posture completely scattered on the bed. Octavia hit me in the stomach with one of the pillows that made me open my eyes suddenly.

"Stop with the drama, I assure you that it is not the end of the world. I mean, you're only 15, Clarke. "She pushed me a little to be able to sit on the bed and began to caress my hair absently. "There is still a lot of life ahead, don’t you think? There's still plenty of time for you to meet people and experience new things." There was a small pause. "I propose that we go out and see the stars for a while."

I smiled pleased and got up from the bed. I took a blanket and went out the window of my room to spread it on the roof. Octavia followed me and soon we were lying down watching the stars. My head was on her stomach, so our bodies formed a kind of T. One of her hands moved over my skull caressing only with the tips of her nails. Once again, she was explaining to me about the constellations, but I was not paying attention to her.

"Why cannot you be my soulmate?" I asked suddenly. Her hand stopped dead and I could feel her anxious.

Not that I was in love with Octavia or anything like that, but she is the person who knows me the most and in a matter of seconds she can lift my spirits no matter how bad I feel. The silence lasted a few more seconds and I felt the need to break the seriousness of the moment with a joke, however, Octavia's hand calmly moved again in my skull.

"Because that’s not how this works, genius"

We both laugh and continue to see the stars without saying anything else.

A few weeks after my birthday, Octavia and I were watching a horror movie with a bowl of popcorn in the middle of the two of us when Mom came into the room and almost gave us a heart attack. We both jumped off the bed throwing the bowl with what was left of the popcorn. Mom gave an exasperated snort and rolled her eyes.

"Girls, it's going to be dinner time. Pick up your mess and come down to help with the table. "She turned to leave the room and without turning to see us she added, "and please open a window. The room reeks. "

Before I could object her comment, Mom had closed the door behind her.

"I'm sorry," said Octavia.

"Obviously she doesn’t refer to your pheromones, silly" I said throwing a popcorn to her face and beginning to pick up the trail of popcorn that was on the bed and the floor.

"How do you know?"

"Because mom is an Alpha. There is no way that you could smell unpleasant to her. I mean, it's not like she's going to jump on you like a posse in rut, but it's biologically impossible to her to feel disgusted by the smell of an Omega. It would be very different if you were an Alpha. "

Since she presented as Omega, Octavia had many insecurities. Mainly of her scent. At school she did not seem to attract any of our Alphas classmates and that gave her too many headaches. On some occasion she confessed to me that she was afraid of never finding her mate, even worse because she did not have a soulmate identifying mark either. On several occasions I have tried to convince her not to worry about those things, I told her that she is too young to think about mating and eternally bonding someone.

I know, ironic if we consider that I was constantly waiting for my soulmate mark to appear. But come on, if you see it from my point of view it makes sense. The soulmate mark is not a sexual union. There are cases of soulmates in which each one has their sexual partner, but their soul is united in a deeper way. Your soulmate becomes anything you need: a best friend, a protector, a lover, an unconditional partner in each of the stages of your life. The link does not begin with a physical attraction, but by the need to complement the other person. Finding your soulmate allows you to see the world in color and that is what I so longed for. So well, some friends. One suffered for the lack of mark and the other suffered for lack of a mate.

Raven used to make fun of us constantly. It was more than clear that Raven would be Beta and she did not have a soulmate mark, but she did not need it either. Her biology as Beta gave her that privilege because she did not have to suffer with any longing like mine or Octavia's. Raven can’t smell the pheromones that Alphas or Omegas release so they could not affect her and neither did she have dyschromatopsia (inability to see colors). Sometimes I envied her, I think her life it's much easier than ours.  
The dinner passed without major relevance. Mom and Mama interrogated us as always about school, if we did well in the subjects, if our classmates were good people, etc. But nothing out of the ordinary. The truth is that I had the best family I could wish for.

After dinner, Octavia and I picked up the table and washed the dishes. While my moms were getting ready to leave. Every certain number of months my mothers left for 3 or 4 days. They often explain that it is to keep the spark in their relationship. I am old enough to know that it is really because of Mama's heat, however, as I had no intention of going through that painful conversation with them; I preferred to continue pretending that they were simple having couple’s trips.

"Clarke, please behave like I know you know how to do it. I do not want to go back and have any surprise" Mama said in a serious tone while I was helping her to get for her coat and purse.  
"I promise, Mama" I said with a sincere smile.

Mama gave me a side hug and kissed my forehead. Mom also said goodbye with a kiss not without first warning me that if I happened to do something that she would not do, I would be in serious trouble. Before leaving, they both hugged Octavia and left the house.

"Party!" Octavia shouted when she heard the car leave the garage of the house and I let out a laugh.

"You're crazy," I said, rolling my eyes in an exaggerated way.

"How boring, Griffin. If I were you, I would have a party at my house every time my mothers went out. I mean, they go out to have fun as teenagers, but you and I should stay here and wait for them as old ladies?"

"No matter what you say, you'll never convince me to throw a party. Mom would kill me just for thinking about it. "

"Okay, grandma, then what will we do in the next few days?" She said in a bored voice.

"I said I would not have a party at home, I never said anything about going to someone else's party," I said with a suggestive look. Octavia looked at me with wide eyes.

"We'll go to a party?"

"Yeah, so run to get something nice because we're going to a senior party."

An hour later we were arriving at the address of the house where the party was. It was our first party with senior guys, and we are clearly very excited. We really did not know what to expect. But when we arrived it was like entering one of the movies we liked to watch. There was music at full volume, small groups of people dancing here and there. In the kitchen, there were football stars competing to see who could drink more beer. In the garden there was another group playing beer-pong and to tell the truth most of them were already quite wasted but it did not matter. That would be one of the best nights of our life.

We met other friends from school who offered us to take what they were drinking. I have no idea what it was, it tasted sweet, but at the same time it was strong. I was having fun, although I also missed Raven, but her parents were too strict, in no way they would let her be out of home after nine o'clock and since they did not let her sleep in other houses we could not use that excuse to get her to come with us. Octavia noticed my lack of feeling.

"Stop worrying about Raven. Let's have fun" she whispered in my ear as if she could read my thoughts.

I took her hand and we went to the dancing floor. Between drinks, dancing and laughter this was the best night ever. At some point of the night a boy, who I only knew by sight in the hallways of school, came to dance with me. He was a little taller than me, brown hair, thin, not so good-looking, but he was not ugly either and he danced very well. The music changed rhythm, a slow song started and I thought that this boy would ask me to stop, but to my surprise he took me by the waist and pulled me close to keep dancing.

A chill ran down my spine when his neck was so close to my nose. The boy must be an Omega because he had no Alpha smell nor attitude. He had a very peculiar scent that caused something strange in my body. The problem is that my body could not decide if it was a pleasant sensation or just the opposite. I was beginning to feel rigid, my muscles tensed, and my breathing became labored. I was suffocating, it was difficult for me to breathe, I turned around looking for the pair of green eyes that I knew so well and as if it were magic, Octavia was by my side in a matter of seconds.

"What's wrong with you?!" the brunette guy yelled somewhat annoyed when Octavia pushed him hard to get him away from me.

"Get away. From. Her. "Octavia was practically showing her teeth and the brunette stepped back.  
Before leaving, he muttered something that I could not understand but it must have been something bad because I noticed that Octavia tensed at his words. My senses were out of tone at that moment, something inside me told me that I surely had drunk much more than I thought.

"Let's go, please," I said to Octavia, pressing the bridge of my nose. I was beginning to feel a strong headache and my muscles kept tensing.

In less than thirty minutes I was already in my bed perfectly wrapped. Octavia had done most of the work, I was too dizzy and disoriented to even concentrate on lowering the zipper of the dress.

"What the hell have you taken?" Octavia complained as she passed a pad with make-up remover on my face.

I did not answer; the feeling of discomfort was too strong to argue with her. I concentrated on the feeling of the wet pad going through every inch of my face. Even though Octavia was angry with me, the movements of her hand were completely delicate. She had no intention of hurting me and it even felt like a light caress even though her skin wasn’t touching me directly.

"Ok, now you’re ready to sleep." Octavia said when she was pleased with her work on my face.

"Thank you," I answered in a sleepy voice and I let Morpheus welcome me with open arms.

A couple of hours later, between my dreams I managed to perceive a sweet scent running through my lungs. It was something familiar to me but at the same time it was new. The aroma was getting stronger, more intoxicating but it was very pleasant.

"Clarke?"

I heard my name in the distance, almost like a whisper, but I ignored it, I refused to wake up and open my eyes. I was afraid that when I opened my eyes the scent that was consuming me would disappear.

"Clarke."

This time the voice was a little clearer but anyway I refused to pay attention to it. All my senses were blocked except my smell. I was sure I had found the source of that scent because it was getting stronger.

"Clarke!"

A scream, which I recognized as Octavia's voice, made me open my eyes. Then I was aware of what was happening. The scent was Octavia, my nose was buried in her neck, right where the gland that produces the pheromones is. I had Octavia completely imprisoned in my arms. I was spooning her and not only that. My body moved involuntarily to rub against her. I wanted to stop but at the same time I did not want to. I was aware that it was not normal that I was rubbing against my best friend but it felt very good. My body was having reactions that I had not experienced before. Little by little, my brain went through each part of my body, as I was doing a reconnaissance and I noticed something different between my legs. It was something hard, that was not there before. I released Octavia suddenly and turned around with my back to her. I curled up on the bed, trying to hug my own body.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry ..." I began to whisper as if it were my new mantra.

Finally, I had presented myself and in the most humiliating way possible. My first erection had been against my best friend's butt and I was afraid that she would react badly. What if Octavia would no longer feel safe in my house, maybe now she would not want to spend so much time with me for fear that I would throw myself on her. Maybe I had lost my best friend forever and tears began to slide down my cheeks.

"Hey, don’t cry" I had never heard such a sweet voice in Octavia. She hugged me from behind, careful not to make our bodies touch so much and stroked my head, removing the strands of hair that fell on my face. "Nothing's wrong, Clarke. Everything is fine. I did not want to scare you, I just needed you to wake up. "

"Forgive me," I said again between sobs. I was very distressed; I did not want to lose my best friend and my body was going crazy right now. I could not control myself. I was shaking and kept apologizing again and again like a broken record.

"I have nothing to forgive, I'm not mad at you," Octavia said as she continued stroking the strands of my hair. "Come ..." she pulled away from me a bit and lay on her back on the bed. I turned a little to see her and as she repeated. "Come, Clarke" seeing my insecurity, she took me by the hand to pull me slightly. "Come, scent me..."

I approached her with a bit of nervousness and slowly brought my nose to her neck. I inhaled deeply and my lungs filled with her scent. That reassured me a little, there was no trace of discomfort in Octavia's scent. I only smelled her and I was almost sure that she was releasing her special pheromones to calm me down. I stayed there for a long time, with my nose near her neck so as not to lose a second of her sweet smell.

"Can I ...?" I asked after a while. I was not even sure what was I asking for, but Octavia understood because she gave me permission without thinking.

I started to stroke one of her arms, she was wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt to sleep so I could feel the skin of her arm directly under my palm. With each friction, an electric shock went through my body and I'm sure Octavia felt the same way. After a while I moved from her arm to her face. I noticed that Octavia closed her eyes to let me trace each of her features with the tips of my fingers.

When I was satisfied that I had memorized each of her features I lowered my hand to her stomach. I remained still, noticing that Octavia had tensed a bit but finally she relaxed and that gave me the courage to start tracing delicate circles in her stomach over her sleeping t-shirt. We both sighed from time to time. Those were new sensations for both of us and they were very nice. With a little more courage, I slid my hand under her shirt to continue the circles but this time I could feel her skin. It was warm and very soft.

Without being aware of my movements, my hand had risen on her stomach a little more than necessary. I could feel the curve of the base of one of her breasts at the tips of my fingers. I stopped. I looked for Octavia's gaze and she was as petrified as me. I did not withdraw my hand, but I did not encourage myself to go higher. It was a small touch, the tips of my fingers just touching the outline of his right breast, almost imperceptible, but it was enough for goosebumps to intensify. Then Octavia closed her eyes and gave a slight nod to give me permission to continue.

Releasing the breath I did not know I was holding, I continued to trace the outline of her breast with the tip of my index finger. I felt the temperature of my body rise more and more. The feeling between my legs was unbearable. The stiffness of my now elongated clitoris hurt but I did not want to end this spell. I was not sure how far Octavia would let me go but I wanted to enjoy it. I wanted to explore it and memorize every inch that she allowed me to touch. 

Octavia's eyes tightened when I finally dared to touch her nipple. It was small but stiff as a rock. I ran my fingertips around it, following the outline of the areola and then pinched it lightly between two of my fingers. Octavia gave a shy moan; the tender sound sent an electric shock through my body that exploded in my center. Octavia was enjoying my caresses and that made me feel proud. I had never experienced any of this with anyone before, so it was good to know that I was capable of make her feel good. We stared at each other for a moment, even in the darkness of the room I could see that Octavia's pupils were completely dark.

"I want to see you ..." I said caressing her other nipple very delicately. I was fascinated with her body and I did not just want to memorize it with my hands. I wanted to see it completely. Know every inch of her body.

Octavia understood what I meant because she got up a little from the bed, leaning on her forearms to allow me to raise her t-shirt. I took it out very carefully. I was completely impressed when I had her breasts completely naked in front of me. My mouth watered, but I controlled myself not to do anything that might make her feel uncomfortable. I watched her for several minutes before encouraging myself to put my hands back on her body.

"I also want to touch you" said Octavia with a hoarse voice interrupting my advance, I thought it was the sexiest tone I had ever heard in my life.

I gave a slight nod and Octavia took the hem of my t-shirt to pull it up slowly. I also did not wear a bra under my pajamas, so I was totally exposed to her look. The cold of the night made me shiver a little. Octavia watched me lying on her back on the bed and opened her arms inviting me to come closer. I let myself be hugged by her. The feel of her bare chest against mine was comforting. Again, I buried my nose in her neck to sniff her. I could feel Octavia do the same, she was also enjoying my scent.

I was practically lying over Octavia and there was nothing in this world that made me want to separate from her. Her hands roamed my back and my arms with light touches. Sometimes I could feel the pads of her fingers rub against the sides of my breasts and it was wonderful. My pelvis gave an involuntary twitch against her when I felt Octavia give a lick on my neck, right where my gland is and she let out another moan of pleasure.

"I need you to touch me" said Octavia while continuing to lick my neck and I understood perfectly what she meant.

I raised my face reluctantly because I wanted to continue to inhale the scent that came off her neck, but I needed to see her to verify that what I was correctly understanding was what she wanted to say.

"Please," she pleaded with her eyes completely dark.

I felt a chill as I parted my chest a little from the heat of her body. And I could see that she was also cold because her nipples hardened even more. I watched her face for a moment, I had never been so aware of how beautiful she is. I approached slowly and put my lips on hers. It was not my first kiss but this one was very different from the previous ones. There was no hurry, there was not a wet tongue wanting to enter urgently into my mouth, it was not the surly lips of any person who had kissed me before on the hormonal intensity of a party. It was a quiet kiss that we were both enjoying to the fullest.

Between light kisses we got rid of the bottom of our pjs. Caressing with shy touches the bare skin that was exposed from our legs. When we were finally naked, I felt a huge shame. In the middle of my legs there was a protuberance that I was not used to seeing. Let alone feeling.

"Hey ..." Octavia said taking my chin so I could see her eyes. "You're beautiful"

She gave me a beautiful smile and hugged me again so I could lean on her. This time she opened her legs a little to allow me to settle in between. Our most intimate parts still did not touch each other but I could feel her wetness in my belly. It surprised me and at the same time it gave me pride to know that I had provoked that.

I settled better on her and this time my clitoris, now completely erect like a penis, brushed against the outer lips of her sex. We both shuddered instantly with the new sensation. My heart was beating fast, I was about to lose my virginity with my best friend. We would lose our virginity together.

Octavia began to move her hips to get some friction of our bodies. I had never experienced such a delicious sensation. The rhythm of her hips was erratic, but it was creating a thousand sensations in my body. Without realizing it, I began to follow her. Soon we were both panting, the rhythm of our hips had been paced. My penis slipped without difficulty between her labia. We shared kisses and caresses where our hands could reach. I was about to explode but I needed something deeper to get there.

"Clarke, more ..." Octavia said in a choked voice and let me know that she felt the same way I did. We were both close to the climax, but we needed something more.

With trembling hands, I took my cock for the first time in my hands. It was a strange feeling, totally new but I did not have the head to analyze it. Octavia opened her legs wider giving me the space to align my cock with her entrance. Another electric shock ran through my body when the tip of my penis touched the wet cave. The heat of Octavia's body called me. Supporting myself with my hand, little by little I was entering Octavia. I went at a torturously slow speed; my instincts were screaming at me to come into her with one stroke, but I knew I would hurt her if I did something like that. The advance was slow but after a few seconds I was completely inside her.

The walls of her cunt tightened, the heat that I felt in there caused me ecstasy, but I kept still. Octavia's breathing was accelerated, and she was burying her nails in my shoulders which let me know that I shouldn’t move inside her yet. I brought my mouth to her neck, began to kiss and lick to relax her. I noticed that it had effect when she stopped hurting me with her fingernails and one of her hands traveled to my butt to give it a squeeze. Octavia was ready for me to move.

I started with slow movements, taking out only half of my extension to re-enter her. Each attack left us breathless. Soon Octavia accompanied my movements causing them to become deeper and a little faster. The wetness of her body increased more and more and made our movements more pleasurable. We were very close, but there was something else we needed to finish, and I was not sure what it was.

Octavia started kissing my neck, giving strong licks just above my gland and that was driving me crazy. My movements accelerated even more when Octavia took my skin between her lips and sucked it hard. She was not biting and her teeth were not even brushing my neck. Her intention wasn’t to mark me, she just wanted to stimulate me and she was accomplishing it. Just at that moment I felt it for the first time, the knot that was beginning to form at the base of my cock was more than noticeable. I had the urge to push it into Octavia before it got bigger but I was not sure if I could do it and I slowed down for a second.

Octavia again gave me a squeeze in the butt, pushing me towards her and there I knew I had a green flag to do it. Octavia was giving me permission to put my knot in the deepest part of her being. My inner Alfa grew proud knowing that I would be the first to knot Octavia. Without thinking twice, I gave another attack with more force and I felt my knot slide into her. I ran out of oxygen for a few seconds, my brain stopped working, my body had been reduced to that section in which we were tied together, I moved instinctively inside, feeling how my knot touched every millimeter of her cave. Octavia let out a muffled scream on my shoulder and I felt her contract around me, pleased to have made her cum at last I let myself go. Two more thrusts and I reach the first orgasm of my life.

A few minutes later we were both catching our breath. I was aware of how I was discharging my seed inside her womb and that only made my Alpha feel more satisfied. I hugged her with force moving my hips from time to time to give us a little more pleasure. I kissed her for a long time, only taking off from her mouth when it was necessary to breathe and then I went down to her neck. Now it smelled different, it was not as intense as the scent that woke me up but it was still just as sweet. I kissed her neck, licked it and started to scratch lightly with my teeth.

"Do not even think about it!" Octavia said, pulling me out of my dream. "You are not going to bite me in your first rut."

I gave a sigh understanding perfect what she meant, and I consoled myself by sucking at her neck. If I could not bite her, at least I would leave a mark for a few days.


	2. Surprises Of Life

The next morning when I woke up I felt completely different. It was as if I was floating in the clouds, in my stomach there were hundreds of butterflies fluttering. I was happy. 

"At last you wake up, sleeping beauty" Octavia told me, she was curled up in my arms. 

"Hi, beautiful." I said with a stupid smile when she turned in my arms to face me. 

Octavia rolled her eyes and kissed me on the tip of my nose. 

"You’re such a nerd." She said in a playful tone of voice and I pouted. "I think we have to talk ..." she continued now in a serious voice. 

"Yes, I know."

At that moment I became very anxious. I sensed that this wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have right now. What would happen? There was a pause in which neither of us dared to speak. We didn’t know how to start this conversation. 

"Do you regret what happened?" She asked me almost in a whisper. 

"No." I replied without even thinking.

The truth is that I didn’t regret anything. It had been a very beautiful experience. I think I was lucky to have experience my first time with my best friend, someone I fully trust.

"You?" 

"Neither." She answered with sincerity. "But I do not know what will happen now." 

I straightened a bit in bed to see her better. I brought my fingertips to her face to make a caress and she closed her eyes, as if she wanted to enjoy the touch. 

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" I asked in a soft and shy voice. 

Octavia opened her eyes suddenly and remained static. She was looking at me as if I had suddenly grown another head. 

"No!" She replied completely scandalized when she finally found her voice again. 

Now it was me who was completely stiff. I pulled back, away from Octavia so that there was no part of my body touching hers.

"Clarke, it's not what I..." her voice sounded worried when she noticed my reaction. I felt completely offended. Her answer had hurt me. "I mean..." 

"No, I understand perfectly what you mean," I interrupted. My voice sounded more hostile than I expected. 

"No, you do not understand. What I mean is that you don’t have to feel sorry for me. I do not want you to ask me to be your girlfriend just because of what happened last night. It's not like you have any obligation to me now. " 

"Who says it's only because of what happened last night? "I paused. "Tell me what would be wrong? You are the person who knows me best. We know each other practically all our lives. Why would it be so bad to be my girlfriend and maybe to mate? "

"No!" She shouted alarmed. "Enough, Clarke. We're not going to start a relationship just because of what happened last night and we're going to exchange mating bites. You're my best friend. " 

" Yes, and so what? " 

I got out of bed looking for my clothes. It was getting more and more uncomfortable to be naked in front of her when all she was doing was to reject me. I know it was stupid to react like this. I was making a storm in a glass of water but something inside me told that what I had experienced the night before was not nothing.

"I really do not understand why is so offensive to you, to think of having a relationship with me," I continued, the tone of my voice denoting more pain than I would have liked to have her known.

Octavia got up from the bed to approach me. For a second I was distracted by the nakedness of her body, the truth is that she is extremely beautiful, but I quickly reacted and looked away. Finally, when she was inches from me, she sighed and hugged me. I was stiff, without matching the hug but I did not push her to let go of me. The warmth of her skin was pleasant in the cold of the morning. 

"I do not find it offensive to think about a relationship with you, but it seems weird to me." 

Her voice was calm and I'm sure she was releasing relaxing pheromones to calm me down. Stupid Omegas with the ability to manipulate other people’s emotions, I cursed to myself when I felt my anger was fading.

"I do not understand why you refuse. How many times have you told me that you are afraid of not finding your Alpha? That you fear not being attractive to someone and just when you have an Alpha in front of you begging... "Octavia put a hand over my mouth. 

"I'm going to shut you up before you say anything else and have to kick your ass." 

I noticed the annoyance in her voice and I just stood still. I did not insist more. 

"The problem here, Clarke ... is that I'm not sure it's you who is talking. I'm sure it's your rut and your stupid instincts to mate." She paused. "I don’t think it's smart of us to make a decision now when your head is clouded by your instincts. We're only 15 years old, Clarke. It is not the time to mate someone for the rest of our lives. "

At that moment I understood what she was saying, I could not discuss those arguments. There was a small chance that she was right. Maybe it was only my Alpha and my instinct that was talking and if so, then Octavia was right to stop me. At last I relaxed and corresponded to the embrace that she had not released me at any time. 

"Will we talk later?" I asked beginning to give kisses on her neck. My body was reacting again to hers. 

"Someday..." she promised as she walked us back to the bed.

Any logical thought ceased to exist in my head when we fell on the mattress and felt the scent of her arousal.

Four years later I'm still waiting for her to keep her promise. We never talked on the subject again. That was the first rut of many we have shared together; and not just the mating cycles. We also enjoy our bodies outside of our heats. Octavia was not my girlfriend or anything like that, but I do not consider her just my fuck buddy either. She is my best friend, with whom I can enjoy an afternoon of movies talking about how handsome the actors that appear on the screen are, an afternoon of passionate sex or an afternoon walking downtown hugging each other and stealing kisses. With her I had everything I needed. Why complicate things? 

"What the hell is this?" Wells asked raising the panties that had fallen to the grass without me noticing when I took my laptop out of my bag.

"It's one of the original ways in which Octavia informs Clarke that she's going to start her heat." Raven said rolling her eyes. 

Wells put the panties to his nose and sucked noisily what shocked me. I stretched out on the table where we were working and I snapped them off, showing my teeth. 

"Mine," I said threateningly. 

I put my panties in the bottom of my bag. I could feel on my fingers that it was a little wet, but I did everything possible to ignore it.

Wells just made fun of me. He is a good friend that I met in the first semester of the university and from that moment we had become inseparable. He is two years older than me; it had taken him longer to find his true vocation and that's why he was just starting a degree. To be honest, I was very grateful for his lack of decision, because that way I could meet him, somehow he had become like the older brother I never had so when my Alpha tried to intimidate his, he just laughed at clean laughter at me. 

"I really cannot understand you both," Wells said when he had stopped laughing. 

"Cannot you understand how crazy and perverted they are?" Raven asked. "Neither do I and I have known them since childhood."

"Ha. Ha. " I looked up from the notebook I was writing in and glared at Raven. 

"No, what I do not understand is how after four years together you have not exchange mating bites. Don’t you want to form a bond with her? "Wells asked me with real curiosity. 

"She does not want to," I said with a shrug and tried to concentrate on my notes. 

"And you?" Wells asked once more, completely forgetting the work he was doing. 

"I do not know." I answered honestly. 

Although we did not talk about it, every time I tried to bite Octavia, she gently pushed my head keeping my mouth away from her neck. From that first time when she shouted at me 'do not even think about it' she was never that harsh again. She has never rejected me again with words and has never taken me away with mean movements. They are always delicate caresses, kisses and soft touches but in the end the result is the same. She prevents me from forming the bond between us and to tell you the truth, lately it was harder for me to contain myself. 

"I cannot imagine with anyone else the connection I have with her. I'm not sure I'm in love with Octavia, but even so, there are times when I can see us aging together. I have even come to imagine a baby with her eyes and my hair. But I don’t understand why we can never talk about it. "

"Because every time you brave yourself, it's as if she reads your mind, shut you up with a kiss before you can articulate the first word and you're such a beast that you cannot control yourself once she kisses you" Raven said. 

"Who is a beast that cannot be controlled?" Octavia asked, appearing out of nowhere behind me. 

I gave a little jump when I listened to her. I was not sure how much she had heard of the conversation and that certainly frightened me. 

"Clarke." Wells replied. 

I tore a sheet from my notebook, squeezed it in my fist and threw it hard against Wells' head while he and Raven laughed.

"Hey, do not bully her." Octavia reprimanded them. "Do not listen to them." She whispered in my ear when she came over to kiss me on the cheek in greeting. At that moment I knew that she had not heard what we were talking about. 

While my stupid and awful friends were laughing, Octavia went around the table to greet each one of them with a kiss on the cheek and distributed the containers of food she had brought for each us. Every day, during the rest period between classes, we would meet at the same table in the back garden of the campus to do homework or to talk when there was nothing important to do. It was the time of day that Octavia also used to make us eat breakfast. She said that we were like little children who did not eat if mom did not serve them at the table. 

"Thanks." Raven said to Octavia.

"Thank you, O. I was already starving." Wells thanked her. 

In part Octavia was right. It was a bit immature on our part that at age 19 (21 in the case of Wells); we waited until Octavia showed up with food instead of going to look for it all by ourselves. In my defense, it was nice to feel spoiled by her from time to time. 

"Some kids I have," Octavia said, rolling her eyes. 

She sat next to me, very close to me. Our legs brushed. She placed her right hand on my thigh making small strokes with the tips of her fingers. The sensation made me shiver down my back. 

"Did you see the surprise I left you?" Octavia asked in a low but suggestive tone. 

"Oh, believe me, we all saw it!" Raven exclaimed.

"Clarke!" Completely flushed, Octavia hit me on the arm. 

"What?" I answered in the middle of a mouthful. "It was not my fault!" I defended myself. "I did not show it to them. It was accidental. " 

" If we see the good side, Wells realized and rescued it because here your ... "Raven paused and I gave her a threatening look to take care of her own words. "Friend." Raven emphasized the word. "She does not notice when it fell to the grass." 

"Are you serious?" Octavia's annoyance was palpable. 

"Thanks for the help, Raven." I said rolling my eyes. "I'm sorry." I honestly told Octavia and interlocked her fingers with mine. I gave her a loving squeeze and I smiled at her hoping she would not get so mad at me.

She sighed and relaxed a bit but not quite. I was sure that when we were alone, she would scold me for the lack of care. I stroked her thigh under the table and leaned my head on her shoulder. 

"If it's any good... I loved your surprise," I said in a flirtatious tone and she just blushed. 

"Agh!" Raven complained, throwing a paper ball at us. "You are ruining my food. Stop being so cloying. " 

"Jealous much?” Octavia asked caressing my face, I was still leaning on her shoulder. 

"Nah ... I just find you both repulsive." Raven said rolling her eyes. 

Octavia and I laughed. We knew that Raven was not serious. She just liked to mock us and we loved making her feel uncomfortable with our displays of affection.

"Wells, do you have space for a stowaway in your dorm?" Raven asked. "I certainly will not spend the next 3 days in the same apartment with these lovebirds."

When we started the university, we decided to look for an apartment in which the three of us could live together. Clearly, we did not think well at that time, but Raven has no problem in leaving us alone while one of the two us was in heat. The only condition is that we could not have sex in her bedroom nor the kitchen. Everything else was free court if we cleaned at the end of the cycle. 

"We can invite you to participate." I said with a suggestive smile and laughed when Raven's eyes widened. 

"No thanks," she said, swishing hard.

The next hours went by very slowly. Although I did not share any class with Octavia, since our degrees are very different - she studies Pedagogy and I’m studying Architecture-; I was aware of the stress that she was going through with the beginning of her heat. I was dying for the end of the day so I could be alone with her at home, also Urban Theories was not the funniest subject that could exist. My brain was becoming liquid inside my skull.

When the teacher finished the class, I practically ran out of the classroom and went to the building where Octavia took classes. When I arrived, I waited patiently outside the classroom door until I saw her at the door frame, and she gave me the most charming smile anyone could imagine. She approached me and hugged me tightly. Her face hid in the curve of my neck, I felt her inhale deeply which helped her to relax slightly the tension of her shoulders. 

"Take me home." She asked me in a whisper.

I grabbed her bag, slung it over my shoulder along with mine, and hugged her by the shoulders as we walked to the car. On the way to the parking lot of the university she was constantly sniffing for comfort at my neck, I was aware that her condition was getting worse quickly.

When we arrived at the car, I opened the passenger door for her to go up, left our bags in the trunk of the car and got on. I started the car and turned on the air conditioner to help her with the temperature rush she was experiencing. I gave her a smile to cheer her up and took off.

The way home was a journey of approximately 45 minutes. 45 minutes of medieval torture. Octavia was not having a good time, the car was completely flooded with her scent which was beginning to affect me. With my left hand I held the steering wheel and with my right hand I began to caress her leg that was closest to me. Octavia whimpered slightly and shifted in the seat, her discomfort was palpable.

"Do you want to listen to music?" I asked in an attempt to distract her.

Octavia did not answer I knew her too well to know that music would make her happy. I played We Are The World, the Haiti version. Octavia and I could laugh for hours trying to imitate the voice of all the singers. Of course, neither of us was a prodigy of music, we did it just for fun. When the song came to the part of Wyclef Jean and I tried, without success, to imitate his voice; Octavia laughed really hard.

"For this kind of things I adore you." She said stroking my neck. 

I felt a small chill when she tangled her fingers in my hair, but I tried to keep myself calm. I smiled at her continuing the imitation of the voices.

"Your turn."

I told her right before the Celine Dion’s part. Octavia liked to try that section of the song and I enjoyed listening to her. Of course she tried with a big smile. Together we sang the chorus of the song, very involved in our role of 'professional singers'.

The rap part was usually my favorite part, so Octavia let me sing it alone. When we started this game, it had taken me several attempts to achieve the rhythm and not get stuck with the words but now it was great.

When the song ended I thought that Octavia would be calmer but it was not like that. Although she was a little distracted her discomfort continued to increase. My hand had moved from her leg to the lower part of her abdomen. I knew very well that drawing small circles in her belly gave her some comfort.

"Clarke ..." she said after a while. Her voice was a whisper full of plea.

We were halfway there and to our bad luck there was more traffic than usual. Although Octavia was trying with all her strength to keep herself at bay, it was becoming more and more difficult.

"Please." Her voice sounded almost broken and it hurt my heart.

I generally did not like doing this kind of thing while on the street. I was always afraid that someone would notice, and we could get into trouble but I could not let her continue to suffer.

With the hand that was not busy on the steering wheel of the car, I opened the button on her pants and unzipped it. I slid my hand inside, inside the panties she was wearing. The heat and wetness of her body was impressive, my lungs were without oxygen for a few seconds and it took me a lot of work to breathe again.

The position was not comfortable, my wrist was being forced by the angle it was in and I did not have much space inside her pants but the small sighs that escaped from her mouth were enough reward for me.

I caressed her only on the outside, around her outer lips. Above the separation of them but without bringing my fingers to the bottom. I knew I was teasing her with those caresses, but she enjoyed them. Moisture began to spread over her labia and Octavia's moans were more and more evident.

I slid my middle finger between her lips, lightly brushing the hood of her clitoris and she took a small leap into the seat. I caressed around the apex, without touching the tip directly. I lowered my finger towards her entrance, circling around, without entering the wet cave. I gathered as much as I could of her wetness, returned to her clitoris and attacked the bundle of nerves without mercy, I gave it constant and deep caresses.

Octavia sighed complacently. I knew that this would not completely satisfy her heat but at least it would help her calm down a bit as we arrive home. With slow movements, Octavia slid her pants and underwear down to the middle of her thighs to give me more space. I continued with the absent circles on her hard muscle until I felt her tense. She was close to cum. Taking an advantage of the space now I had, I took my fingers to the opening of her channel and entered two fingers with one push.

The new pressure left Octavia without air and she let out a moan that ran through my body causing all kinds of reactions. I wanted to feel her with other parts of my body but we still did not reach our destination. We had a couple more miles left, so I focused on the task I could do for now. I started a slow but deep rhythm with each thrust. I went as deep as my knuckles allowed me. I knew very well that my little Omega liked this rhythm.

Soon her moans became more constant and louder. I was grateful that the windows were closed and the music was loud enough that no one outside the car could hear it. These were sounds that were only meant for my ears. Her walls contracted stronger with each thrust. It was hard for me to concentrate on the road when my fingers were being milked that way. A couple of more movements and Octavia came around my fingers, panting, completely lost in the sensations.

I withdrew my hand from her body when I felt her finally relaxed. I licked my fingers to remove the clear liquid that coated them and purred with the taste. I saw Octavia close her eyes on the seat next to me and I concentrated on the road to take us home.

I awoke with the sensation of lips leaving moist kisses on my chest, giving slight suctions from time to time on their way to the south. I opened my eyes and lifted myself, meeting Octavia's gaze. She saw me with those rogue eyes that she usually gets on when she will make something naughty.

"Good morning," I said hoarsely.

She just smiled at me and continued with her work. Admiring and kissing my body. I dropped on the bed and closed my eyes to enjoy her caresses. When she reached my bone hip she stopped in her tracks.

"Did you get a tattoo?" She asked me extremely confused.

"What?" I asked, opening my eyes to meet the ceiling.

"A tattoo ..." she repeated.

"Octavia, I remind you that I have 3 days locked up in this apartment with you."

I got up to see her and she indicated with her eyes the direction that I should follow. There was a mark on the bone of my hip. Something that certainly was not there the night before. A small infinity with three points at the bottom of the left curve. That was not something I would have done to myself. In fact, it was not even a tattoo.

"That's not a tattoo." I told Octavia touching the mark. "It is..."

It was not possible that it was. Or so? No, it definitely cannot be. There is no way. It is physically impossible. I was racking my brains trying to understand what was happening. It was not possible that it was a soulmate mark.

"A mark?" Octavia asked me.

"It's not possible."

"I know but it certainly is there."

Octavia ran her fingers over the mark, and it gave us an unpleasant electric touch. That confirmed that it was a soul mate brand. It is assumed that no one, apart from your soulmate, should touch it.

"But how can it be?" I asked.

I squeezed the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes. I was feeling very dizzy. None of this made sense. And I was feeling the beginning of what would be an epic headache.

"I dont know."

I felt Octavia get out of bed and I opened my eyes. She covered herself with the sheets, as if suddenly she was ashamed of me seeing her naked.

"I do not know, Clarke. But that's definitely a soulmate mark." Her voice was cold and I felt a twinge in my heart when I saw her come out of my bedroom.

The following weeks were extremely confusing. As much as I tried to investigate cases like mine, I found nothing. I could not find anything to help me understand how it was possible that a soulmate mark had appeared almost five years later than when it was supposed to happen.

"It really does not make sense, Raven. I cannot understand what all this is about. "

"I already told you to stop worrying. Okay, it's a soulmate mark. It appeared overnight, almost five years later than when usually tend to appear and is a mystery. Yes. But what will you do? Are you going to walk through life wondering if someone else got a mark in recent days? Do you plan to post posters throughout the city to see if someone recognizes it? What I want to say is to stop worrying. If it really is destiny, things will resolve themselves. "

Raven had a point, but it was not in my nature to leave this kind of thing in oblivion. I had to find the answer. Pasting posters was not such a crazy idea, right? Agh! But what do I talk about? Of course I will not do posters.

"I think you should leave that for peace and worry about the fact that Octavia has not spoken to you in a really long time."

That was another point that also had me upset. Since the discovery of the stupid mark, Octavia had been very weird to me and in the last ten days she had stopped talking to me. I mean, it's not like she had me at the dog’s house because she wish me good morning or good night but she spoke to me as minimally indispensable and avoided being alone with me.

"And what do I do? I already tried to talk to her but she only tells me that nothing happens and she leaves. "

"And as if you did not know her enough to know you have to insist." Raven sighed and pressed the bridge of her nose. "I shouldn’t tell you this because she will probably kill me if she finds out ... but I think the problem is that she does not know what will happen to what you both have now that you got that mark."

How stupid I am! How did I not realize what this should mean to her? I have been so involved in my world and in my own doubts that I did not stop to think about the insecurities that this must provoke her.

"I hadn’t thought of it. I need to talk to her asap. Do you know where she is?"

"It's Wednesday. Surely, she is in the children's home where she volunteers. "

"Thanks, Raven. See you later."

I got up and practically ran to the car to go to the children's home where Octavia should be. It was not far from the apartment so it took me about 15 minutes to get there. The guards of the access know me of the several occasions in which I have come with Octavia so it was not difficult that they let me enter.

"Good afternoon, Taylor." I greeted the receptionist who also knew me.

"He ... hello, Clarke!" She stuttered, according to Octavia I make the poor girl nervous.

"Hi." I repeated, I was not in the mood to talk to this woman. "I'm looking for Octavia." I said in a serious tone. "It is something important."

"Umm ..." she doubt it a moment. "She's in a class."

"I can pass? It really is very important. "

Taylor thought about it for a moment. Finally, she nodded and let me through. She gave me instructions on how to get to the classroom where Octavia was. It was a children’s home for only girls. There were little ones from four years old until twelve. Octavia came some afternoons to do activities and play with them.

When I arrived at the classroom, the door was open. The girls were sitting on the floor in a circle around Octavia, who was explaining the rules of a game. I stood at the door watching her. I liked to see her when she was near children. It was as if I could see another part of her. She had a maternal instinct that came naturally, she spoke to them with great sweetness and I could tell that the girls really adored her.

"Hi." A small voice took me out of my thoughts.

I turned to see the little girl who was behind me and the world stop at that moment. It was like a flash of a thousand colors before my eyes, everything became brighter, full of color, full of life. She was a beautiful girl with light brown hair, green eyes and a dazzling smile. Her hair was tied back with two little tails and she was wearing a white dress. On her chest on the left side was a label with her name. Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone gets the wrong idea, there will be some time jumps in this story before we get to see Clarke and Lexa in a relationship. Of course Clarke won't fall in love with a six-year-old child. But let me asure you Lexa is indeed her life.
> 
> Anyway, I wanna hear your thoughts. xD


	3. A/N

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not a chapter. I just wanna make an explanation and that will really help me to decide if I continue with this story.

So, some of you are leaving comments about the age gap. Some people think this is some pedophile fic, which is not. I know is something different but I'm pretty sure most of you must have read/watch The Twilight Saga. There we have this imprinting thing that Jacob explained to Bella.

He explained that he cannot control who he imprints on. He said that it is the involuntary process by which the Quileute shape-shifters find their soulmates, and it can happen with anyone. So being the geek I am. I found that there are stages to imprinting, especially if the shape-shifter imprints on a child or someone much younger than them. 

1st stage—If the imprintee is young, the wolf will act as an older sibling.

2nd stage—As the imprintee grows older, the wolf will also come to be their best friend.

3rd stage—They become intimate friends, meaning, their feelings for each other may change into romantic feelings. In this case, only the werewolf get imprinted so the imprintee may not develop feelings for the wolf, but the imprinter will fall in love with their imprintee. They will not "see" any other person at all. Their imprintee is all they care about and they will love her even if she rejects them.

4th stage—When the imprintee is old enough, the wolf's feelings grow into romantic love.

On the book we have the example of Quil, it was clear that he didn’t see Claire as a romantic partner (I mean, obviously, she was a toddler) and so he acted as an older brother to her. Also, when the book changed to Jacob's POV, he doesn't think of Renesmee as a woman. He just said that she became his world and he would give his life for her to be save.

This is the part of the book where Jacob realized Renesmee is his everything.

"The murderer stared past Rosalie's shoulder at me, its gaze more focused than any newborn creature's gaze should be."  
"Warm brown eyes, the color of milk chocolate—the exact same color that Bella's had been."  
"My shaking jerked to a stop; heat flooded through me, stronger than before, but it was a new kind of heat—not a burning."  
"It was glowing."  
"Everything that made me who I was—my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self—disconnected from me in that second—snip, snip, snip—and floated up into space."  
"I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was. Not one string, but a million. Not strings, but steel cables. A million steel cables all tying me to one thing—to the very center of the universe."  
"I could see that now—how the universe swirled around this one point. I'd never seen the symmetry of the universe before, but now it was plain."  
"The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood."  
"It was the baby girl in the blonde vampire's arms that held me here now."  
"Renesmee."

So basically, this is part of what inspired this story. This is mostly what I wanna tell here but if you still believe this is some perv thing I will stop. I will really appreciate your thoughts.


	4. Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... I’m sorry it took long for the update. The truth is some of the comments really got into my head and It made it difficult to continue but I hope you like this.

Definitely, life could not be stranger. I had found my soulmate but it was as if life was making fun of me, this seemed like a bad taste joke. I never imagined that my soulmate would be someone with this huge age gap.

That little girl put my life upside down. My world was reduced to that creature of 3’8”. My heart grew three times its size when I saw her for the very first time and I knew I would do anything to make her feel save. Lexa turned six years five weeks ago, her birthday was the day the mark appeared on my hip. A little less than a year before, she lost her parents when they had a car accident. Since she had no other family to take care of her; she was admitted into the system and sent to the children's home where Octavia is a volunteer. Despite the hard situation Lexa had to endure at such young age, she was a very happy girl. She was always smiling. Full of life and joy; with a laugh that could make anyone happy on the worst day.

During this time, I went to see her every time visits were allowed and I tried to spend as much time as possible with her. Of course it was not much, the orphanage had very strict rules. Despite that, I was trying to do the most of what we had. I played with her for hours, Lexa had a strange fascination, which I could not understand, for dinosaurs. Despite her young age, she was very mature and smart, she knew a lot of weird facts. Sometimes when I talked to her, I was very surprised with her comments. Sometimes she looked like the adult and I was just like a stupid puppy that jumps with excitement and wags its tail every time its human pays attention. It was very strange, but I did not understand how I could feel so much affection for her.

Three weeks later, I found myself trying to figure out how to get her out of the children’s home to take her with me. I wanted her to have a peaceful home. Where she could grow up safely without anyone bothering her or hurting her. I would love to be able to return to her parents and avoid all the suffering that the loss would surely cause her; but I couldn’t do that. The only thing I could do was to offer her the best within my means.

"Clarke, you're crazy!" Raven shouted at me. "You've definitely lost your mind, it's not possible that you're thinking about adopting her."

"I will not adopt her." I went back to explain. "I can’t do that, but I can be her legal guardian, I do not want her to be there alone, it must be hard enough to lose your parents to also have to live surrounded by strangers that I'm not sure they treat her with enough affection that a child of her age needs. "

"And you're not a stranger to her?" Raven asked sarcastically rolling his eyes.

"I can assure you that they treat her well." Octavia said quietly without looking up from the book she was reading while Raven and I were fighting in the middle of the living room of our apartment.

"You're not there all the time, O." I objected her. "Do you think I have not noticed the little bruises that suddenly appear on her arms?"

"Clarke ..." Octavia closed the book and looked me in the eyes. With the same cold look that lately she only uses on me. "She's a little girl, the children are restless and get hurt while they play, I assure you that nobody hurts her on purpose."

"I do not understand why either of you can support me, what's so wrong with me wanting to take care of her and bring her here?"

"First ..." Raven said. "Because you have not stopped yourself to ask our opinion or how do we feel about this situation."

It was not hard to read between the lines; Raven did not mean her. She meant that in all this time I had not talked to Octavia about it. The day I met Lexa, all my intentions to clarify things with Octavia took second place. Raven was being a good friend and I was being a litter that did not worry about anything or anyone.

"Second ..." she continued. "It's complete madness that you want to take care of a girl when you cannot even take care of yourself."

Another hit of reality. If I had survived all this time outside of my mothers’ house, it is because Octavia has always been by my side taking care of me.

"You both are causing me a nasty headache." Octavia said.

Octavia got up from the couch and left the apartment slamming the door and that did not go unnoticed to me.

"I'm a complete idiot." I told Raven.

I knew that Octavia was very upset but I kept avoiding talking to her. I was afraid of the outcome of our conversation and I certainly feared being the person with whom Octavia would release all her frustration.

"I'm not going to deny it, definitely your actions lately leave much to be desired."

I collapsed on the couch where Octavia had been and I put my hands to my face. The scent of Octavia invaded my lungs and I let out a resigned sigh. Even in her scent I could tell how much she was angry with me.

"She hates me."

"Clarke, Octavia does not hate you, she's just hurt and she's very upset, she's used to being the center of your attention and you left her forgotten like an old toy overnight."

"Of course not!" I defended myself. "But it's like she no longer tolerates being close to me, even her scent has changed, you know?" I said, carving the sides of my head. "Every time we are alone, I feel how she begins to distill aggressive pheromones to get me away, she does not even allow me to get close to her."

"I really cannot believe you're so ignorant."

Raven sat next to me and was silent for a moment. As if she were considering the words she wanted to tell me.

"Octavia is pregnant and you are so involved in your own world that you can’t even tell that your pup is growing inside her."

I felt as if a bucket of cold water had been thrown on me. Octavia pregnant. Pregnant with my child. How was that possible? Octavia had put on the contraceptive implant since we started this strange relationship. She had always taken care of us, to prevent us from having an unplanned child and I, immaturely, had never bothered to ask her if everything was going well with the implant or if she needed me to take her to the doctor for some check up. I am definitely the most selfish person that can exist.

"Since when do you know she is pregnant? Why did not she tell me?" I asked Raven.

"Since when, I do not know, she told me two weeks ago when I saw her taking out the contents of her stomach in a gardener on campus and I noticed that she is getting paler."

"What? Two weeks ago? And has she had any discomforts? Why did not I find out?"

"Maybe because you almost do not spend time with us? The last three weeks you've been so obsessed with that little girl that you have not even realized what's going on in your own home." Raven's eyes let me see how disappointed she was of me. "You have not even noticed that Octavia stopped using perfume or that she removed all the air fresheners from the department because she does not tolerate strong smells, nor can I believe that you have not realized that she has lost weight because her body cannot maintain the food inside. "

I felt like a bug, Octavia before being my mate, she was my best friend and I had not been aware of her. Who knows how long she had these discomforts that she was facing alone because I could not take all my attention away from Lexa. Although Lexa was my soul mate and I wanted to put her in a glass bubble to protect her from everything; I could not forget that there is a world beyond the pair of emerald eyes of the little girl.

That same night I took courage and knocked on the door of Octavia's room. I waited patiently for her to respond. I knew I was inside, I could smell her as she could smell me out of her bedroom.

"O, please ..." I begged through the door. “Can we talk?"

I waited patiently one more time, a few minutes later Octavia opened the door. For the first time in the last eight weeks I appreciated her face carefully. Raven was right, she looked slimmer. She was pale and under her eyes there were purple spots that showed the lack of rest. My eyes filled with tears at seeing her like this. How could I be so blind?

"O, forgive me." I sincerely begged. "Forgive me for being so stupid and not realizing what was going on."

Octavia sighed and opened the door even wider to let me into her room. I sat on the edge of her bed when she went into it, covering herself with blankets. Her bed practically looked like a cocoon in which Octavia was protected.

"I'm going to kill Raven." She said after a few minutes of silence.

"Do not do it, she was just being a good friend." I took her hand in mine. Octavia was cold which was not normal in her. "I'm sorry, I really regret it."

"What do you regret?" She asked me in a cold voice.

"I've behaved like an idiot with you, I did not even bother to ask you if it was time to go to the doctor to check the implant and see ..."

Octavia straightened on the bed, pulling her hand away from mine.

"So you're sorry to have a child with me." Her gaze froze me.

"No, it's not what I wanted to say, it's that ..."

"I took it off on purpose, I removed the implant because apparently I'm stupid enough to think there was something special between us. I wanted you to bite me in this last cycle, I wanted you to make me yours, I wanted to surprise you with the news of a child and I wanted this to be the beginning of the best experience of our lives ... "

Octavia paused and I could not believe what I was hearing.

"But do not worry, Clarke, you do not need to take care of me or this baby, you can keep concentrating all your energy on your soulmate, and at the end of the semester I'll leave."

"What?!" Just thinking about her absence made me anxious. "No, you cannot leave, you cannot leave me, leave with my child and think that's fine."

"I'm not staying to be the second-table plate, I'm not going to help you raise your soulmate as if she is our child's older sister, that's really screwed up, Clarke!"

"I will not bring her here." I said taking her hands again. "I will not, ok?" I got a little closer to her. "I'm not going to bring Lexa here and I'm not going to ask for her custody either... If you do not want to see her, you do not have to do it but please, please do not leave ... Do not take me away from you ..." I took one of my hands to her belly. "Nor them."

Octavia tensed when my hand landed on her belly but did not pull away. She let me caress her, caress her still flat belly but where a little person who was half her and half me was growing.

"I do not want you to forget about her just to keep me happy, I know I cannot ask you to stay away from your soulmate. If I do ask you, I know you would do it for me, because you are a good person but I also know that I would kill you inside to be away from her. "

Octavia's voice broke and I noticed that tears began to trickle down her eyes.

"I do not want you to have to choose between her and us." With her hand she made reference to her belly. "But I can not stay with you if I’m feeling uncertain either, I can not stop thinking about what would happen if in the future she tells you that she fell in love with you, would you leave me to run into her arms?"  
I had not even think about that into my mind. The very idea shocked me.

"No." I hesitated. "I don't know." I got out of bed "O, she's only 6 years old, I'm 19. I do not know what the future holds but I'm certainly not thinking about a relationship with her and I do not want to think about it either."

I ran my hands over my face in an attempt to clarify my ideas.

"Since I saw her, she became the center of the universe, yes, I'm not going to deny it. That I'm going to do and be whatever she needs, yeah, that’s true too, that my subconscious is completely committed to protecting her from any danger that could come to her, yes that’s also for sure, but if I do not know what will happen tomorrow, I can least know what will happen in 10, 15 or 20 years. "

"And that's precisely why I'm not sure I should stay by your side."

"Octavia, you can not leave." I begged her. "I mean, I know you could do it but I do not want you to leave, I'd like you to think things through before doing something drastic."

"Clarke, the truth is that I did not even think about telling you about the baby, really after everything that happened, I think I was wrong, I think I should not have made the decision I made, I think I should have thought more and I should have talked to you about it. Now I feel that I have put a burden on you that you should not have to assume, this was my decision and I do not have to force you to pay the consequences of something that you did not ask for, I believe that I have put ourselves in a situation that is not very convenient."

"O, what are you trying to tell me?" I expected to be misunderstanding. "Are you trying to tell me that you do not want to have it anymore?"

"No. I do not know, Clarke, you know that children have always been my adoration, you know that I've always wanted to be a young mom but I think I made the wrong decision right now."

"For me it would not be an obligation to take care of you and the baby, I will respect the decision you make but I would like you to have it."

I approached Octavia one more time and I kneeled in front of her. I placed both hands on her knees, making circles with my thumbs on her pajamas.

"Please think about it, we can do this together, I think there could not be a better mom for my child."

I was surprised with everything that had happened in the last couple of months. I definitely did not expect to have a soulmate or expect to have a child with Octavia but I can not say that the idea disgusted me either.

I got up and lifted Octavia out of bed. I pulled her to me to hold her for a long time. Between my arms I felt her shake as the sobs attacked her. Few times in my life I had seen her so fragile and my heart squeezed inside me. She hid her face in the curve of my neck while I gently stroked her back. I do not know how long we were in that position but I did not let her go until the crying stopped.

"Thank you." She told me in a whisper that I almost did not hear.

"You have nothing to thank me for, I will always be here for you."

That night I slept with Octavia. There was nothing sexual, not even a goodnight kiss. We just went to bed and she snuggled into my arms as she did when we were younger and life wasn’t this complicated. I felt a great tenderness and fell asleep thinking about the little life that was forming inside her.

"So Octavia is your girlfriend?" Lexa asked me.

"Nope."

Explaining the situation to a 6-year-old girl was not as easy as I imagined it in my head. A part of me said that it was stupid to give Lexa an explanation, but the other part of me preferred not to keep the secret. So almost two weeks after I learned about the pregnancy and after a lot of meditation I decided to tell her about Octavia and everything else.

"But you will have a baby." She said thoughtfully. "My mom said that adults should love each other so much to have a baby."

"I love her very much but she's not my girlfriend."

Lexa watched me for a while without speaking. Sometimes her gaze was so penetrating and intense that it intimidated me. She observed me tilting her head to one side and then to the other. After a while she shrugged and continued painting.

"Hmm, I guess it's okay." She said without turning to see me.

I released the breath I did not know I was holding, that girl was really a piece of work. I decided to leave the subject for the moment.

We were in one of the rooms for visitors, basically it was a classroom for games, the floor was covered with those jigsaw mats with numbers and colorful letters. The walls had colorful drawings that were lost behind the shelves with toys. In the center, there was a little table with sheets and all kinds of coloring items. We were both sitting on the floor while we talked and drew.

"And how is everything going?" I asked, trying to concentrate on the drawing in front of me.

"Fine..." I did not hear her convinced.

"Are you sure?"

Lexa stopped her hand for a moment. She stopped coloring but did not raise her face to see me in the eyes.

"I guess."

I worried to hear her hesitate. My heart was breaking just by thinking that something bad may be happening when there was no one else to protect her.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" I took her little hand in mine. "Whatever happens, you can tell me, I'll always believe you and take care of you."

"It's sad to be here." She told me after a while. She kept her eyes on the drawing.

"What do you mean?"

"There is a new girl who cries every night because she misses her mom." She paused and I noticed how her voice faltered. "It makes me miss my parents and I feel sad."

I noticed a tear that fell on the sheet where Lexa colored. At that moment I felt as if I had been hit right in the middle of my stomach.

"Hey, come here."  
F  
I lifted her off the floor to give her a hug. She stood very still, leaned her head on my shoulder and said nothing but I could feel her tears soaking me through the fabric of my blouse.

"It's normal for you to miss your parents, but they are with you all the time." I stroked her hair to comfort her. "They take care of you from heaven and they are always in your heart."  
"They sent you with me."

"What?"

"Yes, Mom and Dad sent you with me to take care of me forever."

Another, of the many times, that I remain silent as an idiot because I do not know what to respond to her comments. She has the strange ability to take me off balance.

"But it's still sad." She said after a while.

"Clarke, it's about time." One of the caretakers spoke from the doorframe of the room.

"No don't go." Lexa hung on my neck. "Please, I do not want to stay. Take me”

Once again my heart ached. It was the second time that at the end of the visit, Lexa asked me to take her with me. How can I explain that I could not take her? I felt terrible every time we said goodbye and saw her face transformed with sadness.

"Come on, Lexa." The caretaker took the girl by the arm.

"No!" Lexa shouted as the woman tried to keep her away from me. "No, please, I'll be good, take me."

I stopped the woman who was pulling her harder and harder to see Lexa in the eye.

"I have no doubt that you would behave very well and I would love to take you with me but I can not."

It was not the first time I explained this to her but that did not make it easier, quite the opposite.

"I promise that I will come to see you next week so that we can continue working on that beautiful drawing."

Lexa, gave a resigned sigh, gave me a hug and walked away from me without saying anything. Before crossing the threshold of the door, she gave me a sad look and I could see the tears running down her cheeks. Saying goodbye was getting harder every time.

I put on its place the things with which we were coloring, I stored the drawing in my portfolio, that way it couldn’t get damage and there was no risk of someone else getting a hand in Lexa's drawing.

When I finished collecting all the things, I waited at the reception for Octavia to finish her shift. Taylor tried to talk to me but the truth is I was not in the mood for her subtle flirtations. I pretended to have something important to read on my cell phone while I waited. About twenty minutes later I heard Octavia approaching, poked her head out the door and gestured to me that it was time to leave.

"I went to say goodbye to Lexa." Octavia informed me when we were inside the car.

"Everything OK?"

I thanked Octavia for trying to build a relationship with Lexa. Even if she did not come to live with us, Octavia understood that this girl was part of my life now and that she was not to be blame for anything that was happening.

"No, she was crying, it was hard for me to calm her down, that’s why I took longer than usual."

As if it were necessary to make me feel worse. I hated knowing that Lexa was taking the worst of this situation but I promised Octavia that I would not take her home to live with us.

"I'm sorry to be so selfish." Octavia continued. "I really regret not having noticed before the damage that i causing you both the separation, especially to her and I can not believe that this is my fault."

I did not know what to answer, I kept silent with my eyes on the road.

"I know you promised me not to take her home to avoid any problems, but I think we should also think about her. The psychologist told me that lately she has noticed Lexa more isolated from the other girls.”

"Yeah, lately when I say goodbye to her, she goes away crying, but I do not know if the right thing to do is stop visiting her."

"I think it would cause her more harm, Clarke, I know this is not an ideal situation and legally speaking you can not adopt her but maybe we can try to be her foster family, at least as far as a family who wants to adopted her appears."

For a moment I turned to see Octavia. On the one hand I could not believe that she was accepting that Lexa lived with us but on the other hand, the fact that it would be a temporary arrangement would make it more difficult afterwards.

"Do not you think it will be harder when they take her away?"

I returned to focus on the road. I did not want to let my hope get too high.

"It may be, but if we talk constantly with her and explain what will eventually happen, Lexa will be ready, and we will also talk to the family that adopts her so that you can continue being part of her life."

A pang of panic invaded my heart.

"What if the people who adopt her decide to take her somewhere far away or do not allow me to see her again?"

Octavia was silent for a moment, meditating my question.

"I think that is a bridge that we will cross when we get to it, for the moment we should just concentrate on the present."

"I think we'll have to talk to Raven to see if she agrees."

"I'm sure he's going to support us."

For the first time in a long time I felt hopeful. Octavia was right that Lexa could not stay with us forever but at least this would give us the opportunity to know each other and avoid the painful goodbyes twice a week.

I still could not believe how my life had changed in a matter of a couple of months. If six months ago someone had told me everything that has happened, I would have told them that they are completely crazy. Even living it, I think it does not make any sense. However I am aware that everything has changed, my life now moves around Lexa, Octavia and the baby that is coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, tell me your thoughts, just please be kind.

**Author's Note:**

> Looking forward for your comments...


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